Community for Deepening Practice

Befriend Yourself

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Month 1: Beginning Again

Week 3: The role of self-compassion in our lives today

Late Fragment

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth

by Raymond Carver

It was another day of connection, courage, and insight as we explored the nature of self-compassion in our lives. We revisited the concept of self-compassion, which has three components: Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgement, Common Humanity vs. Isolation, and Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification. After, we looked at how each of those components are reflected in our own lives. We also considered some small ways to re-/introduce more of each component into our lives starting with small, accessible, self-compassionate actions. We also took a deep dive into some of our remaining misgivings about self-compassion, noticing that for a great many of us, our analytical, “head” understanding of self-compassion and its benefits to our wellbeing often bumps against long-held beliefs about what it means to be kind to ourselves. A ripe area for continued inquiry!

Next time we meet, Feb. 14, we’ll be joined by Steve Hickman, who will invite us to consider our current meditation practice in“Refreshing Our Aim: How to Reconnect With Formal Practice if it Starts to Feel Empty or Rote.” This fourth meeting also marks the beginning of our focus on mindfulness and the introduction of specific formal meditation practices into the CDP.


Housekeeping:

  • Reminder that we have a rest week next Wednesday, Feb. 7., so we will not meet formally.  
  • If you have any specific questions for Steve during his guest presentation on Feb. 14, please place them on the Discussion Board, and we’ll pass them along in advance. Steve has taught and written quite a bit on meditation, so check out his page on Mindful.org if you’re curious to learn more about him or his philosophy of practice.

Home Practice:

  • Please add Self-Compassion Break (Audio by Kristin) to your current practice three times per week. On the 14th, we will turn our attention to formal practice and add more structure to our home practice with the help of the CDP Practice Makes Imperfect Journal. Stay tuned!
  • OPTIONAL Creative Invitation: If you would like to further explore how the various components of self-compassion are represented in your life, I invite you to play with the related Creative Invitation, which is an elaboration of what we did in class. This is your first C.I., so it is typical for there to be both excitement and a bit of fear around trying something new like this. However, I strongly encourage you to read about how to approach C.I.s In a nutshell, remembering that the exercises aren’t so much about outcome — rather, we’re focusing on process and what arises as we work with our materials. Also, you may think as you read the C.I. that you can predict what will unfold. Perhaps. And, if you can approach this with an open, don’t-know mind, unexpected insights could arise. This is one of the unique beauties of the C.I.s. We’ll have time to share about these experiences in class.

Resources:

  • This week’s audio and video. (Password for both is Br3athe)

Optional Readings:

  • Five Myths of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff in Psychotherapy Networker article on Misgivings
  • Self-Hate and the Battering Cycle from There is Nothing Wrong with You (pp 63-67) by Cheri Huber, below. Be aware that while Huber’s lens is decidedly Zen Buddhist, it is a thoroughly accessible and lucid peek into how we abandon ourselves time … and how we can work with it (page 90).

Cheri-Hubert-There-is-Nothing-Wrong-With-You.pdf

Week 2: Our Heart’s Compass

Our second week, and how lovely to see almost everyone back and to welcome some new friends into the group.

After an opening meditation, we took some time to check in; we heard a full and open range of experiences. For some, it seems that being in this CDP is bringing awareness of the possibility of self-compassion to the forefront in daily life. We also heard about challenges that some of us are experiencing.

A reminder for us all: these check-in times are not just for sharing moments of “success” and inspiration. We include them so that we can be seen and heard as we are, so that we can practice appreciating the joys of our lives and offering compassion in the face of suffering.

During our sessions, we may not always have time for everyone to check in. Therefore, we encourage you to use the forums to connect and share with each other.

After checking in, we reviewed guidelines for the CDP. If you have anything further to offer on this topic, please make use of the “writing your own rules…” discussion topic.

We then engaged in a writing and small group exercise related to creating one or more intentions for our participation in the CDP. We invite you to revisit this topic and refine your intention(s) so that when you read them or say them to yourself, your heart says, “Yes! That is the path on which I aspire to travel.”

We look forward to seeing on January 31. Please note that we will not meet on February 7.

Home Practice:

  • Allow your intentions exercise to percolate in the background of your mind. Are there any refinements you’d like to make? Once you’re settled on 2-3 intentions for yourself (if they are different from what you wrote in class), note these in your journal. We will hold them in our awareness and return to them later in the course. If you wish, you may wish to state your intentions publicly in the Discussion Board as an additional support.   
  • Please re-take Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale this week.What is true now? Can you enter into this with a spirit of curiosity? Make a note of what arises in your journal, and we’ll discuss next class.
  • Continue your current practice, again inquiring: are you making choices which strengthen your foundations for self-compassion?

Housekeeping:

  • If you’ve not opted in to Discussion Board Daily Digest yet, please do so. (Green box, midway down the page.)
  • Feb. 7 is Shazia’s birthday! Happy birthday, dear Shazia!  🙂
  • Feb. 7 is also a rest week. If any of you feel inspired to get together and practice anyway, we encourage you to coordinate amongst yourselves using one of your personal Zoom accounts. This is entirely optional and not expected. In the past, we have had participants who preferred the continuity and comaraderie of meeting during rest weeks, and so we bring that option to your attention.
  • If you feel inspired to bring something physical which allows you to visually demonstrate your support of a classmate, please do. This could include a lovely stone, a small stuffed animal, or some other sacred object. This will be your companion throughout the course.

Resources:

  • Week 2 video: Part I and Part II . Password for both parts is H3artl1ght
  • Practice Group: For those who wish to join Circles of Practice, you have four free opportunities each week. They are all listed here. The application is quick and easy, and you may find it here.  
  • If you’re still exploring core values, feel free to reflect on some of the ones offered here. Here is another option you might appreciate if themed groups of core values are helpful for you.
  • Article: As we explore what it means to listen deeply and non-judgmentally, we’d like to offer this wonderful article on what it means to really hold space for others.
  • Podcast: Tara Brach’s intentions talk, Winds of Homecoming: How Intention Frees Our Heart.

Session 1: Beginning Again

Aah, what a joy it was to spend Wednesday together with you all! As we embarked on this first session of the CDP, we spent our time beginning to get to know each other and rediscovering: “This time, why are we here? Why are we REALLY here?” 

During our group sharing, a rich variety of life experiences arose among the group — some deeply poignant, some funny. “Surprises” among our group included adventures with pig insemination, identity change, dramatic career decisions, homelessness, overcoming substance abuse, intense discomfort with technology, and much more. And yet among all of that diversity, we also found plenty of common ground, including our shared commitment to ourselves and our respective self-compassion journeys.

During the coming week, we would like to offer the following:

Optional home practice:

  • Practice: We are aware that establishing or stabilizing in a formal practice is an intention that many of you have mentioned, and we will dive into that, in detail, in the coming weeks. For this first week, however, please simply choose a practice that calls to you and see how it goes.
  • Optional exercise: Please revisit the How Do I Treat a Friend exercise in your journal. Remember beginner’s mind and see how it is for you now. We will have some time to talk about this next week.

Housekeeping:

  • For those who need assistance with any outstanding technical issues (Completing your profile, navigating the discussion board, etc., we will meet one hour prior to our class next week (January 24) for an optional Tech Q&A. Feel free to join us!
  • If you would like to listen to the audio from yesterday’s meeting, you may find it here. The password is “Br3atheYes” A gentle reminder that these recordings are to be kept completely confidential and will be deleted at the end of the course.  
  • Please let us know in the form below whether you’d like to receive a daily digest of the CDP discussion board, and we’ll get you set up. You may opt out of these daily emails at any time.

 

For those of you who were unable to attend this first meeting, we missed you, and we wish you well and look forward to connecting with you the next time!

With gratitude for all of you,

Aimee and David

Welcome to the CDP! We’re glad you’re here.

At the beginning of this new year, we find ourselves at the threshold of an adventure together. We know that our time in the CDP is not so much about becoming better, but about becoming more self-compassionate. Falling in love, and staying there.

May our shared journey over the next eight months support us in cultivating a more compassionate relationship with ourselves, and thereby relating more compassionately with our loved ones and our community at large. May we flourish as we are held and encouraged by one another. May we know the goodness that we already are. May we each re-orient our hearts and refresh our eyes so that we may more fully appreciate and savor our “one precious life.”

Resources from Month 1

    • Exercise: How Would You Treat A Friend?
    • Reading: Chris Germer's The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion
    • Self-Compassion Scale by Kristin Neff (Test your levels of self-compassion)
    • The Meditator's Dilemma: An Innovative Approach to Overcoming Obstacles and Revitalizing Your Practice by Bill Morgan
    • Insight Timer, an app designed to connect meditators worldwide.
    • Cheri Huber's There is Nothing Wrong with You
    • Practice Makes Imperfect Self-Compassion Journal (printable)
    • Psychotherapy Networker article: The 5 Myths of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
    • Paul Gilbert video: Strengthening the Mind Through the Power of Self-Compassion
    • Paul Gilbert: An Introduction to Concepts and Compassion-Focused Exercises (83 rich pages, including the Three Circles Model)
    • Compassionate Mind Foundation website
    • Self-Compassion Break (audio recording by Kristin Neff)
    • Rick Hanson's teaching on how how the autonomic nervous system functions and how we can work with it to bring about calmer states of mind
    • Mindful Compassion by Dr. Paul Gilbert
    • The Compassionate Mind by Dr. Paul Gilbert

Self-Compassion playlist

The CDP is offered in conjunction with

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