Community for Deepening Practice

Befriend Yourself

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Month 3: Practicing Loving-Kindness

Create your personal loving kindness phrases; compassionate movement; interpersonal meditation; loving-kindness meditation for self and a loved one

Week 11: Including Ourselves in the Circle of Compassion

As we entered into our fourth and final class of Session 3, we started with a welcoming meditation from Aimee that included this invitation from Hafiz:

Just sit there.
Don’t do a thing.
Just rest.
For this separation
from God, from love,
is the hardest work
in the world.

After our check-in time, we continued to explore Loving Kindness meditation by taking some time to create our own phrases. This exercise is based on a courageous practice of deep listening when we ask ourselves questions such as:

“What do I need?”

and

“What words do I long to hear?”

After our break, we did the “Loving Kindness for Ourselves” meditation, using the phrases we had been creating.

You are invited and encouraged to continue the practice of deep listening to your own heart and refining a few simple, clear, and authentic phrases with which your heart resonates (and does not object). These phrases can be used in meditation and also in a variety of formal and informal practices.

Our class concluded with this quote from Laura McKowan:

“This is what we do when we are devoted. We show up as we are. It is practical and it is profound. We stay the course, we do the best we can in each changing moment, and most importantly, we come back when we lose our way. The real act of love is the return. And this love is the thing that lifts us higher. I had tried to hate myself into acting better for far too long. I had worshipped at the altars of Shame and Guilt and Self-Loathing and Other People’s Ideas; those were diminishing, false Gods. Love was the only way up. It was the only thing I really had to learn. It would be hard and beautiful work to do this. It would be necessary.”

Home Practice
  • Remembering that the body can be a portal to pure relief, joy, ease, I encourage you to not let slip away the opportunity to revisit compassionate movement, with beginners’ eyes, for 10 minutes or more. It’s a practice designed to help you ask yourself for what you need, but from the inside, out. To let your movement be a response to the energy alive in you. There is no right or wrong way. You may also wish to add music you love and see how that goes.
  • Continue with 20-30 minutes of formal practice at least 5x per week. In order to reinforce our work in class, please focus on Lovingkindness for Ourselves. If you haven’t yet explored Meditators Dilemma and you’re finding formal practice a struggle, I really, really encourage you to dip into it. 
  • Creative Invitation: Artful Expression of Loving-kindness Phrases
Resources
  • This week’s video recording: Password is “thisonetoo”
  • On Devotion by Laura McKowen

 

Self-Observation Without Judgment

Release the harsh and pointed inner
voice. it’s just a throwback to the past,
and holds no truth about this moment.

Let go of self-judgment, the old,
learned ways of beating yourself up
for each imagined inadequacy.

Allow the dialogue within the mind
to grow friendlier, and quiet. Shift
out of inner criticism and life
suddenly looks very different.

i can say this only because I make
the choice a hundred times a day to release the voice that refuses to
acknowledge the real me.

What’s needed here isn’t more prodding toward perfection, but
intimacy – seeing clearly, and
embracing what I see.

Love, not judgment, sows the
seeds of tranquility and change.

From One Soul by Danna Faulds

Week 10: Planting Seeds of Goodwill

Self-Observation Without Judgment

Release the harsh and pointed inner
voice. it’s just a throwback to the past,
and holds no truth about this moment.

Let go of self-judgment, the old,
learned ways of beating yourself up
for each imagined inadequacy.

Allow the dialogue within the mind
to grow friendlier, and quiet. Shift
out of inner criticism and life
suddenly looks very different.

i can say this only because I make
the choice a hundred times a day to release the voice that refuses to
acknowledge the real me.

What’s needed here isn’t more prodding toward perfection, but
intimacy – seeing clearly, and
embracing what I see.

Love, not judgment, sows the
seeds of tranquility and change.

From One Soul by Danna Faulds


As we continue to train the mind toward greater compassion, we practiced Loving Kindness for a Loved One, the second core meditation of MSC.

Lovingkindness meditation harnesses the power of language, imagery, concentration, connection, and caring as a way to comfort and soothe; we also know that continuing practice — even if it feels mechanical or unnatural at first — can support us in cultivating good intentions. And over time, these intentions can develop into a compassionate internal conversation. This meditation is particularly supportive in helping us include ourselves in the circle of compassion.

Highlighted points: 

  • LKM takes time, commitment, patience. For the seeds of lovingkindness to grow, we need soil, sun, water (phrases, imagery, concentration, connection, and caring). We create the conditions for growth, and when it’s ready and time has passed, growth occurs. 
  • There is no “one” way. If there is an argument or resistance to details, make your own way toward resonance. Your experience is your best teacher.
  • That said, allow enough time before letting your restlessness/resistance drive you in a different direction!
  • Tone of voice is important. Offer an authentically warm tone, as you are able.

Home practice: (Remembering to open and close as you need.) 

Formal Practice: Each day, please focus your formal practice time on the Loving Kindness for a Loved One meditation we experienced in class. Remember that we are not striving to “feel good” through this meditation; rather, we simply wish to receive whatever arises with curiosity and tenderness, understanding that we are planting seeds of goodwill and affirming our intention to open our hearts.
  • Kristin’s audio
  • Chris’ audio
  • Aimee’s audio (from class, rough recording but heartful. 🙂 )
Creative Invitation: A continuation of last week’s CI called Just Like Me: Loving-Kindness for Others. Also, you may wish to discover some of your classmates’ experiences of the CI on the discussion board.
Discussion board:  If you wish to explore you body as a portal to self-kindness, we encourage you to give this a fresh try.

Housekeeping:

  • Course Progress. David and I read every single word you write and carefully consider all of your input. For those who have already submitted the evaluation, we are so grateful. 

Let us know how you’re doing.

Resources: 

  • This week’s video recording: Password is “Daffodils”
  • Audio, Lovingkindness for a Loved One (Aimee’s in-class recording)
Reading and viewing to reinforce this week’s discussion; none of this is required, rather, it is here to inspire you and inform you. Perhaps the inspiration you most need is silence and spaciousness, in which case we encourage you to offer yourselves that instead!
1. Article by Sharon Salzburg: “Facets of Metta.”
2. Poems on Metta read aloud from the book, Love Poems from God. In this video, we are offered five poems that correspond to the five traditional stages of Loving Kindness Meditation (noting that we have varied from this traditional format in MSC).
Stage 1: Metta toward ourselves
Stage 2: Metta toward a friend or loved one “Relationship Booster”
Stage 3: Metta toward a neutral person “Love Does That”
Stage 4: Metta toward a difficult person “Otherwise the Darkness”
Stage 5: Metta toward all being “The Sun Never Says”

Week 9: Lovingkindness and Compassion

In our continuation of MSC Session 3, we spent a rich day exploring the felt sense of compassion and loving-kindness for ourselves and for others through an online adaptation of the Awakening Our Hearts exercise.


Home Practice: (Remembering to open and close as you need…)

Always encouraged: Please continue to practice 20-30 minutes, at least five times per week, remembering to make it as pleasant as possible for yourself. If you wish to practice Affectionate Breathing in coordination with this stage of the MSC curriculum, you may wish to use a version by Chris or Christine. Consider ongoing use of the Practice Makes Imperfect journal and/or a practice partner if this feels helpful.

Encouraged: Creative Invitation: Just Like Me: Loving-Kindness for Others

  1. This Invitation is a hybrid of the traditional loving-kindness meditation and the Awakening Heart meditation in which we invite you to call forth the felt sense of loving-kindness for someone you cherish, a neutral being, and someone you have a difficult time with.
  2. We then invite to you to consider doing ACTS of kindness for these people. We offer many, many ideas and encourage you to be especially attentive to your inner experience in response to reactions to your acts of kindness. View the complete CI.

Strongly encouraged: We’ve also made a special spot to share some of your ideas for kind actions in relation to this week’s Creative Invitation.

If you’re still curious… If you’re a person who wishes to further explore lovingkindness and compassion, please view the Heart of Compassion. If you’d like to share your experience of the video on the discussion board, please respond to the following questions on the dedicated discussion board item. 

    • Did you notice resistance arise?
    • Did you notice lovingkindness arise?
    • Did you notice compassion arise?

Housekeeping:

  • Course Progress. Last week, some of us took the opportunity to ask the class for support in any way that we needed. One of the ways in which I (Aimee) would like to request support from the group is by letting David and me know how this experience has been for you so far. We care about how you’re faring, and we wish to co-create the best experience possible. Your contributions are anonymous, and David and I read every single word and carefully consider all of your input. For those who have already submitted the evaluation, we are so grateful. 

Let us know how you’re doing.

Resources:

  • This week’s video recording: Password is LovingKindness. Sincere apologies that the first 15 minutes or so (soft landing) of the video was cut off.

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