Community for Deepening Practice

Befriend Yourself

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Getting to Know Difficult Emotions

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Intention:

We know that emotions have both mental and physical components. During this Creative Invitation, we’ll explore a difficult emotion by transforming it into an image and then noticing what happens both in our body and in our relationship with the emotion.

Materials:

Paper, paint brush, and paints (be sure you have a strong yellow on hand).

Process:

  • On your blank sheet of white paper, please make a big, yellow blob. No need to think too hard about it; it will simply provide a starting point and anchor for whatever image you create in subsequent steps.
  • Set aside your paper and gently close your eyes. Next, please bring to mind a situation that’s bothering you right now. Allowing that situation to emerge. What happened? Who was there?
  • Next, naming the dominant emotion you experienced during this difficult situation.
  • Now, do a brief body scan and notice where that emotion resides in your body. Check into it a bit. What shape, texture? Is it undulating or diffuse? Solid or rocklike? Is it a picture, or just sense impressions?
  • Once you’re able to sense into the emotion on your body, simply open your eyes and begin to transfer that emotion to your paper. Your yellow blob will already be there, and you may wish to use that as a starting point or anchor for whatever image(s) you’ll build around it. This step will require some willingness to be imperfect and to let loose the mind in order to make space for intuition to speak. If you find yourself getting stuck for how to do it “right,” press pause by making an agreement with yourself simply to make marks. Dots, lines, squiggles. Given time, your hand will know where to go next, and you’ll find flow again.
  • It might be helpful to refresh your memory of the emotion, checking back in with the bodily sensation as you continue to add to the image.

Notice whatever emerges as you create. If you are able to remain open to the unexpected (as opposed to focusing on how “good” your painting is), you might receive new words, new images, or other emotions. Allow them to also play on the paper. Give voice to all that emerges, even if you need more paper. (Note that if you need to use more paper, you may simply tape it on to the current piece of paper and continue the drawing there.) Is there space for humor to emerge as you create? If so, allow it! Allow, allow.

Once the emotion has mostly spent itself and you feel that you have no more to add to the paper, simply sit back and release the exercise. Returning for one final scan of the body to notice what’s now happening inside.

Questions for inquiry:

  • Did you notice any shifts around how you feel about this particular emotion you illustrated? Any decrease or increase in resistance or judgement toward this emotion?
  • Were there any surprising images, thoughts, or emotions that came up for you during this exercise?
  • How does the body feel differently after having done the exercise?
  • How might you use what you now know when this emotion arises again in your daily life?

Here and Now Box

To learn how to ask for what we need, only practice accepting what we’re given. This is our journey on earth.

-Mark Nepo


The Invitation:

In moments of difficulty, it is helpful to anchor ourselves to help keep from being swept away by strong emotions. In this Creative Invitation, we will make a Here and Now Box—a tangible place where we can go to offer ourselves physical anchoring and savoring through the five senses. This box is for you alone, so the invitation is to fill it with whatever brings YOU the most happiness.

Materials:

  • A box, a bin, or basket. Cigar boxes and shoe boxes work well, as do small fruit crates and simple cardboard boxes. Size will depend on what you plan to put in the box. You can buy sturdy boxes at craft stores if you don’t happen to have one around the house.
  • If you wish to decorate your box, you’ll need your decorating materials (ex: markers, paint, glue, fabric, scissors, colorful duct tape). If you opt to découpage your box (a soothing activity in itself; tutorial here), you’ll need scissors, ModPodge, paintbrushes, and beautiful things to découpage with. You could consider tissue paper, leaves/stems/petals, lace or other textiles, photos, clippings from magazines, handwritten letters, and more; whatever you find beautiful and inspiring. If you would like to découpage on wood, here is another helpful tutorial. Finally, if you are drawn to cover your box with fabric, this tutorial might inspire you.

The Process:

  1. Chose a box or basket that you find fits well in your hands, is adequately sized, and feels good to hold. Note its texture, its scent, the way it looks, its strength and weight. A box with a lid would be ideal. You’ll know the right vessel when you find it.
  2. If you wish to decorate your box, go for it! If you can, allow through the creativity and playfulness of your inner kindergartener. If joy and curiosity were in charge and they had your greatest good in mind, how would they decorate your box? You may decorate both the inside and the outside in any way that you wish. Perhaps you paint on words of encouragement. Maybe you draw things that inspire you. Or maybe you’re simply making it beautiful. As with all we do here, our deepening is in process, not in outcome, so do be present with this process and notice any strong feelings or resistances that emerge as you decorate. We’ll look at those later.
  3. Fill your Here-and-Now Box! We encourage you to collect objects which stimulate your five senses for inclusion in your box. Allow your inner sensations to guide you; if something doesn’t feel right, don’t include it. That a thing “feels right” is enough; no rationale necessary. Some examples to get you started:
Tactile objects:
  • Fidgets, including Kinetic Sand, Silly Putty or other non-hardening clay, including, Mohdoh (a therapeutic putty which contains essential oils)
  • Stones, seashells, marbles, dragon tears
  • Something soft to the touch, such as a favorite scarf, a stuffed animal, a beanbag, a blanket
  • Lotion or oil for self-massage
  • Acupressure mat (like Yantra Mat or Salveo)
Sight:
  • Photos of loved ones or places
  • A book that brings you pleasure or peace
  • A compassionate letter to yourself (written for just this purpose).
 Sound:
  • Your favorite soothing music (could include flute, sounds of the sea, etc.)
  • Guided meditations
  • a small instrument or chimes you enjoy the sound of
 Smell:
  • A fragrant piece of wood, like cedar
  • Essential oils or candles
  • Scented eye pillow
Taste:
  • Gum, hard candies, chocolate
  • Your favorite tea (also provides warmth)
  • Flavored lip balm
And finally, if you wish, free to include some items for pleasurable immersion. Here are a few ideas:
  • Markers and paper/coloring book. (Coloring pages can be printed for free, or you may purchase an endless array of adult coloring books at any bookstore.)
  • Letter-writing paper, pens and envelopes
  • Knitting, crocheting
  • A journal and a pen
  • Nail polish or other body care items
Now it’s time to lovingly assemble your chosen objects in your box. Know that this box is here for you anytime, like an old friend standing by to offer you comfort during moments of difficulty. Over time, you may find that your box calls to contain something different. Feel free to honor the call. This is a living, ever-changing source of grounding and pleasure, built just for you by the person who knows you best. Store it carefully and visit often!
The Reflection:
  • As you assembled your Here and Now Box, did you encounter any resistance or self-critical thoughts? Please note in your journal any messages that came up and name any accompanying resistance (physical, behavioral, emotional, etc.). Under each self-critical thought, write a tender response if you can. If this is challenging, write your response from the perspective of an unconditionally loving benefactor. Breathe in that kindness and see if you can allow it to land in your heart and nourish you.
  • We often find ease and joy in offering others simple, soothing pleasures. What is it like to offer the same things to yourself?
  • Did any surprises or insights emerge as you assembled this box for yourself? Make a note of those in your journal as well.
  • Once you’ve written all that wishes to be shared, release the exercise and enter back into your day or evening.

Inspiration and ideas:

 

A Self-Compassionate Letter as You Begin Your Journey

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The Invitation:

Over the past three weeks, we’ve revisited familiar MSC territory from MSC Session 1. This week’s invitation is to bring awareness to what you’ve discovered during the last three weeks of preparatory work to help you write a compassionate letter for yourself. This letter will live with your Roadmap and be a companion during your journey; you may wish to pull it out anytime you feel your energy lagging, your commitment wavering, or your purpose coming into question. The reason for the exploration and the compassionate letter is to remember that this is a journey and to move away as best we can from where we think we “should be” to lovingly be with where we are.

Materials:

Your journal and a pen you love to write with. (We especially encourage you to handwrite this letter.)

The Process:

  1. To begin, simply free-write anything that’s on your mind about the CDP course. Allow it all to emerge. You might give voice to uncertainty, fear, excitement, curiosity, or anything in between. Allow enough time and space for the quietest thoughts to arise, then set them free in your journal.
  2. Once you feel you’ve said everything you need to say, go back over your writing and underline any words or phrases which emerge and seem like they need a kind response. Perhaps a fear expressed, or ambivalence, or an element of self-doubt.
  3. Next, please write a self-compassionate letter in response to any of the underlined words/phrases from Step 2. Practice using your self-compassionate voice as you write. You might even begin your letter with a term of endearment, remembering to bring the same kindness to your letter as you would to a good friend. IF you find that you have difficulty summoning a self-compassionate voice, we invite you to write your letter from the perspective of a being who wishes the very best for you: a pet, a friend, a mentor, or another loved one.
  4. Here are a few things you could include in your letter to yourself:
    • What words do you need to hear as you venture out on this journey?
    • Knowing that all experiences shift through periods of difficulty and ease, open and closing, what might support you personally along the way?
    • From this early leg of the journey, what words will you say to yourself when you’re thinking about quitting?
    • If you have identified misgivings or hindrances to self-compassion, how might you bring care and kindness to these aspects of your experience? If you have identified the pain of one of more of the myths of self compassion, how might your respond to yourself lovingly about these?
    • How we can attend to ourselves lovingly in these ways? Physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual?
    • What resources can you draw upon during your time in the program that will help you stay committed to taking care of yourself?
  5. Once you’ve finished your letter, we encourage you to keep it somewhere accessible so that if you wish, you may draw upon the strength of your own words in the future.
  6. As you read your letter to yourself you may like to remember soothing touch, the half smile, and pay attention to the tone of your voice as you read.

One step further…

If you wish, you may choose to submit a photo or a scan of your self-compassionate letter to one of the teachers via email, and when the moment is right, we will print it out and mail a physical copy back to you sometime during the next several months as a gentle and reminder of your own voice of support.

The Reflection:

As you write, be present to any joy or excitement that emerges.

If fear or doubt emerges, is there one small, tender step you can take to soothe yourself?

Now that you’ve written this self-compassionate letter, can you think of any specific actions you can take to set the stage for a truly deepening experience in your life?

If you wish, feel free to share your explorations on the Discussion board.

 

© 2018 Aimee Eckhardt.
Please do not duplicate without written permission.

Practice Makes Imperfect: Creating a Joyful Practice Space

“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are.”
-Pema Chodron

 

The Invitation:

To support and re-invigorate your commitment to cultivating self-compassion through both formal and informal meditation practice. In this Invitation we are looking at formal practice a little more closely. We invite you to consciously create a space in your home where you can meditate which serves to inspire your ongoing self-compassion practice.

Materials:

  • Your journal and a pen
  • Physical objects which evoke for you a sense of reverence, resonance, and joy

The Process:

Consider what emerged for you during our discussion about about bringing your meditation practice into the world. In your journal, please write freely about what came up for you. You could choose to write about any or all of the following:
  • Which unique personality types or characteristics in The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion most resonate with you? As a reminder, these can be found on pp. 196 – 206.
  • What are some of the things that hold you back most consistently in terms of your approach (grasping, aversion, restlessness, weariness, agitation, doubt, etc.)? Are there some ways you can name and soften around those familiar friends?
  • In what way do you relate with your challenges to formal practice? Are you meeting your experiences “on the cushion” with kindness, or with something else?
  • Recall a formal meditation session that you considered uniquely nourishing and fruitful. What was special about that time? Is there some quality of that experience you can use to support you in the future? How did you speak to yourself? And following on from Chris’s discussion, how can you motivate yourself kindly? How can you bring fun, delight and yumminess to your practice?
  • Recognizing the value of informal practice, what are some of the informal practices that work in your life?

Once you’ve fully explored the essence and the edges of your meditation practice, you may release the exercise. Or, if you wish, you may continue on to craft a devoted space in your home to support you in your ongoing practice.

One step further…

  1. If you already have a spot where you most frequently meditate at home, see how you might incorporate a collection of physical objects which will serve as symbols for your core values, longings, and wishes for yourself. This space could exist indoors or outdoors, and you could choose a small table top, a simple shelf, or even a shadow box you can affix to the wall near where you practice.
  2. Considering your journal exploration above, what intentions, desires, or commitments would you like to represent symbolically in your meditation space? Bring 3 or 4 values to mind as a starting point.
  3. Begin to collect objects you feel best represent these values in #2. For instance, if you have a commitment to bringing nature into your everyday life as a means of practicing informal meditation, perhaps a small vase with a flower would be a good object to incorporate into your space. If you’re committed to living a creative life, perhaps you can incorporate a beloved paintbrush or photograph you’ve taken. Try if you can to drop into your heart during this collection process, knowing that when you touch an object, you’ll feel in your body whether it belongs in your meditation space. Not every object you include in your space has to have a “reason.” Resonance is enough.
  4. Continue to feel your way through your home, your yard, a favorite park, a nearby beach, etc. to gather sacred objects for your meditation space. You will know when you have all that you need. If you are unsure, you may choose to simply begin with a stone and a candle.
  5. If very little comes to mind at first, know that this space is an ever-evolving place, and you can feel free to both add and retire objects as your needs come into clearer focus. As you retire objects from your meditation space, thank them for their presence and support of your practice.
Finally, if you feel that consciously tracking or keeping a gentle record of your self-compassion practice is supportive, please feel free to download the printable Practice Makes Imperfect Journal pages. You may also choose to keep these pages in your meditation space.

 


Visual Inspiration

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Exploring the Role of Self-Compassion in Your Life Using the Self-Compassion Scale

Just where you are—that’s the place to start.”

― Pema Chödrön


Use the Self-Compassion Scale, journaling, and/or images to explore the role that self-compassion plays in your life at this time.

Materials:
  1. Your journal
  2. (visual option) Your choice of image-making materials. You could choose to print photos from your camera, pull images from a magazine, or create images from paints or markers.
The Invitation:
We invite you to complete the Self-Compassion Scale at the start of the CDP and then again at the end. We encourage you to complete this at this time even if you have done this before.

As you may be aware, as part of the Self-Compassion Scale, there are three continuums and an overall score:
3-elements-of-cs

Journal your responses to the following:

  • “What does self compassion mean to me?”
  • Do you have your own barometers of how self-compassionate you are being? What are they?
  • What are three ways in which:
    • You are kind to yourself?
    • Common humanity is reflected in your life?
    • Mindfulness brings you joy, delight, or pleasure?

You may end the exercise there, OR, if you’d like to experiment visually, some ideas and examples are listed below. Once finished, you could place your creation on a cupboard or wall to remind you to call on your supportive practices.

Reflection:
When you are finished, note what happened as you worked with this first Creative Invitation. What came up for you? Were you surprised by any of the sensations, words, symbols, or emotions that emerged? If your inner critic paid you a visit as you made this first piece, how did you receive him/her?

Finally, if you care to share a bit about your experience with the rest of the group, please feel free to do so on the discussion board. Always returning to the intention of the Creative Invitations, which is to be mindful of your experience and be tender with yourself during the process of creating.


Visual ideas and inspiration: Collage or tryptic:
You might like to try creating a collage of images cut out from a magazine or from photos you’ve printed out. You may also enjoy creating a a tryptic, which is an assemblage of three interrelated, but separate images. One panel could represent Self-Kindness/Self-Judgement, a second panel could represent Common Humanity/Isolation, and the third could represent Mindfulness/Over-Identification. Feel free to be as playful as you wish, and use the following examples to inspire your own creation.

Creative invitation 1_circle
Each segment of this round, hand-written piece represents supportive practices representing each of the three elements of self-compassion.
self-care collage
This artist created a collage using a combination of photos and magazine images.
SCS Tryptic
In this watercolor tryptic, the artist uses a three-panel approach to represent the elements that are most supportive of Mindfulness, Common Humanity, and Self-Kindness.

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