Community for Deepening Practice

Befriend Yourself

Obstacles to Living in Alignment with our Values

As a part of this weeks’ class, we discussed seven common obstacles to living in accordance with our values. These obstacles are as follows:

  1. Being over-identified with negative beliefs about ourselves.
  2. Having unrealistic expectations about making our desired change.
  3. Perfectionism; suffering in response to doing things imperfectly.
  4. Resistance to difficult emotions that can arise through the process of change.
  5. Becoming disconnected from our core values.
  6. Guilt and forgiveness around making change.
  7. Failing to notice where your life IS in alignment with your core values.

Materials:

Journal and a pen(s)

Process:

Grounding into the breath, re-read the obstacles on the list above. Notice whether there are any particular obstacles here that are strongly present in your life and experience.

Among the seven common obstacles listed above, are there any that directly cause you to compromise alignment with your core values? 

If so, please take a moment to list some of those circumstances.

For instance, if perfection (obstacle #3) causes you to keep procrastinating about starting a business you’ve deeply longed to begin, you can simply name this.

Once you’ve named your obstacles, please chose one that calls most to be tended to. And if possible, open to this obstacle with curiosity.  Then, ask it the following three questions:
 
Question 1: [Obstacle], where do you come from?
Question 2: [Obstacle], are you trying to help me? 
Question 3: [Obstacle], what do you need from me?
 
Ask this same series of questions to as many of your obstacles as you wish.

For reflection:

Option 1: Now that you may have a clearer understanding and felt sense of your obstacles, please choose one of your obstacles and write a short note to it. Perhaps you’d like to thank it, if it’s worked in your service (no matter how misguided it may be). Or perhaps you’d like to offer it some kindness. Or, if this obstacle is no longer helpful to you, perhaps you’d like to invite it to move along. Whatever you wish to say to it, please say that.
Option 2: Write a self-compassionate letter to yourself, specifically tending to whatever arose as you explored your obstacles through the three questions.